Friday, 8 May 2009

How'd you fancy one of these in you're special place?

Well folks, today was the first time I have ever held another man's willy.  It was, of course, not recreational but rather to put one of these in it:

The little balloon at the end is to stop it sliding out of the bladder.  I was, however, unsuccessful.  The gentleman's prostate was enormous and I couldn't get it all the way into the bladder.  Just in case, here's an easy 1-2-3 of male, urinary catheter insertion:

  1. Lie the patient supine (on their back)
  2. Place sterile drapes around the area, cutting a small hole for the penis to fit through
  3. Using the left hand hold the penis while you use the right hand to clean the glans with irrigation solution
  4. Holding the penis vertically squeeze 10mL of instillagel (lubricant + anaesthetic) into the urethra
  5. Wait for 10 seconds
  6. Take the catheter and slide into the urethra all the way to the port
  7. Using sterile water inflate the balloon cuff
  8. Connect urine collection bag
  9. Clean up
  10. Ensure the patient is comfortable
  11. Walk away proud

So there you go! You'll never have a problem.  I'll leave you with a true story:  

A medical student was being watched as he was catheterising a female patient for the first time by a senior surgeon.  Whether it was nerves or lack of skill he inadvertently put the catheter in the wrong it were.  To whicht he surgeon shouted "What's that?! Come on man, I learnt female anatomy aged 15 in the back row of the cinema!"